


fire and ice

by blueblaze0727



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji Needs a Hug, Akaashi Keiji is Bad at Feelings, Angst, Bokuto Koutarou Being Bokuto Koutarou, Emotionally Repressed, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24705670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueblaze0727/pseuds/blueblaze0727
Summary: Akaashi has always been the perfect standard for a teenager. Quiet, respectful, athletic, and intelligent. He is a boy shrouded in ice, however, not that anyone bothered to notice that anyways. Could a being of fire break the ice and keep him warm?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 61





	fire and ice

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second ever fic, and features my 2 favorite Haikyuu characters. Akaashi just really needs a hug :(

_Why don’t they see me?_

Akaashi Keiji always wondered what people thought about him in their minds, or what they said when his back was turned. He imagined it must be about his looks, or his grades, or the fact that he was the starting setter for the Fukurodani Volleyball team. But as much as everyone talked about him, the truth of the matter is that none of these people really could claim to know who Akaashi Keiji is. No one knew his dreams, his favorite subject, or even his favorite color. All of these people simply knew that Akaashi is the golden image of a boy, and never bothered to look past.

\------------------------------------------------------

“Bokuto-san, how are you?”

“Hello Konoha-san, how has your day been?”

“Good morning Washio-san.”

Akaashi walked through school with his back straight and his head turned slightly up because that’s what he’s supposed to do. Akaashi greeted his senpai’s because that’s what he’s supposed to do. Akaashi sat down at his desk, completed his work for the day, and went to volleyball practice because that’s what he’s supposed to do.

Akaashi was sick and tired of doing what he was supposed to do.

All of his life, his parents had made sure that he knew what he had to do. How to act in public, how to act in school, how to act at home. Every personality facet that he had was carefully made and tailored to perfection to show exactly who the only child of the Akaashi family was. He was handsome, hard-working, kind, respectful, and humble. Never arrogant, never spoke out of turn, never emotional. Keiji knew his role, and he was a very talented actor.

But it wasn’t him. This person he played, this marble carving of a person, was not him. Akaashi Keiji was not a quiet, demure person. He yearned to be loud and brash, to act out and draw attention to himself. He wanted to be able to have pride in his accomplishments and now immediately toss any complements to the side.

It really started to take effect in his second year of high school.

Bokuto-san has an addictive personality. No one would ever be able to deny that. And Akaashi Keiji was another human who was ensnared by him, by his warm glow. One look at Bokuto could tell you everything about him, he was truly an open book.

He was exactly who Akaashi was desperate to become.

His first year on the Fukurodani volleyball team was…eventful. From his first glance at Bokuto in middle school, Akaashi knew exactly where he was going to high school. Even though his parents protested, this was the one thing in his life Akaashi fought for. Something about Bokuto drew him in and made Akaashi want to bask in the light he gave off. Akaashi was ice, something so smooth and perfect, but dreadfully cold; Bokuto was fire, a source of heat that attracted everything to its warmth, and even had the power to melt ice.

As his second year came around, however, Akaashi realized his ice barriers had been built up far thicker than he realized. With as long as he and Bokuto surrounded each other, he never could break through his frozen mindscape. And this terrified him. If someone as opposite to Bokuto couldn’t pull him out, who could?

\------------------------------------------------------

“Akaaaaaaashi….Akaashiiiiiiiii…..AKAASHI!”

“Sorry Bokuto-san. What is it?”

“A-are you feeling okay Akaashi?”

“Of course Bokuto-san. Why?”

“Oh okay…you just, uh, you just seemed a little quiet.”

Damn it. Bokuto-san noticed. This is not good. I need to be stronger. No one is allowed to see my weakness. I know I am a weak person, that’s why I need my mask. If anyone saw me for me, it could be disastrous. Imagine the shame I could bring my family if I was allowed to act like myself. No, this is better. This is much better.

_You know you want something else, Keiji._

Shut up. I had a silly thought the flittered in my mind once, that’s all. Even if Bokuto-san could bring down my walls, do I really even want him to?

_Yes_

No I don’t. Well…I really don’t enjoy pulling up this mask everyday…it would be so much easier to just be me…no, what am I saying? I could never do that. If my parents found out…I don’t even want to think about it.

_But imagine how happy Bokuto-san would be._

Stop. Akaashi Keiji, you cannot let this stupid little infatuation with your captain influence your logic. He may be warm and happy and handsome and tall and have the best back muscles you’ve ever seen and he-STOP IT. Nononono, I do not think like this. No. No. NO. This will pass, you will continue to be the perfect boy your parents put so much work into, you will not fail them.

_But what if freedom holds the true meaning of perfect?_

\------------------------------------------------------

Akaashi is 100% sure that Bokuto is trying to make him open up more, and he doesn’t know whether to be excited or furious. But for now, the fury is quite blinding to all else.

“Leave Bokuto-san.”

“ ‘Kaashi?”

“I said to leave.”

“But…but why? All I wanted to know is why you keep closing yourself off?”

“THAT’S EXACTLY WHY! YOU MIGHT NOT UNDERSTAND THIS, BUT NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE PRIVELAGE OF OPENING OURSELVES UP. TO LET OUR EMOTIONS BLEED OUT FOR ALL TO SEE. “

“I- Akaashi. Shutting off your emotions isn’t healthy. I just want you to be happy.”

“Well Bokuto-san, I’m sorry I’m not as happy as you like. Now please leave.”

“F-fine, I’ll go.”

Ah. There it is. The moment his parents warned him about and used to show him the dangers of letting himself show. Bokuto-san is gone now. Why wouldn’t he be? Everyone leaves eventually, that rule makes no exceptions for exceptionally perfect volleyball team aces. But now, as his warmth fades from where he sat next to Akaashi, he cannot help but wish that he stopped him, called out to stay. It is too late to yell for him to come back though, too late to ask him to hold him close and never let go, to stay with him forever.

\------------------------------------------------------

It’s been 3 weeks and Akaashi Keiji is even more of a shell of a human. He just runs on autopilot throughout the day, only functioning enough to keep up appearances and nothing more. He never realized how much he relied on Bokuto-san to live his life. Bokuto-san was the one who coaxed him out of his self-imposed prison and drew him closer to freedom than ever before. But now that is gone, and Akaashi is running out of hope of ever tasting the sweet embrace of warmth again. He missed the sheer love that Bokuto-san showed him, he missed the casual touches and words of praise, he missed how Bokuto-san was able to see straight into his soul.

If thoughts in his mind manifested into actions, maybe this ordeal would have been resolved the day after. But Akaashi was too stubborn to let that happen. He couldn’t admit that he needed that light in his life to pull him out of the shadows. To save him from his own destruction. However, in his darkest point, in this cave of despair, the sun couldn’t even reach him.

But maybe, someone could bring a lantern to lead him back out.

\------------------------------------------------------

“Bokuto-san.”

“Yes Akaashi-kun?”

_Ouch._

“I-I just wanted to apologize Bokuto-san. You deserve someone close to you that is just a bright as you. I’d just dampen your happiness. I-I just wish we could be friends still. I don’t want to hurt you though.”

“Stupid stupid ‘Kaashi. How could I not want to be around you? You’re so _you._ No one I’ve ever met is like you. You are so kind, and thoughtful, and so so smart, and you always are so good at volleyball, so _consistent_ , and you’re the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen- “

“Wait. Bokuto-san, are you saying you still want to be friends?”

_I definitely imagined the last statement he said, just wishful thinking._

“Of course Akaashi, you’re my best friend!”

Akaashi was almost delirious with happiness. Bokuto-san still wanted him. He still wanted to be there. He hadn’t given up on him. It felt as though Bokuto’s light was coursing through him, warming him to his core. It didn’t matter that Akaashi wanted more, he wouldn’t be selfish. No, as long as Bokuto-san was back, that’s all that mattered. As long as his star stayed and lit up the night sky, Akaashi would never ask for more.

\------------------------------------------------------

With their friendship fixed, Akaashi was scared to disturb that ever again. It didn’t matter that as much as he pushed it away, his love for Bokuto-san exceeded the limits of being platonic. No, Akaashi couldn’t get greedy, he couldn’t risk losing him ever again. But then they won nationals. And wow, it’s surprising how a mixture of adrenaline and blinding joy could change previous thoughts so easily.

“Bokuto-san, I…I need to tell you something.”

“What is it ‘Kaashi?”

“I need you to know that you don’t just mean the world to mw, you ARE the world to me. I don’t know if I could function without you. No, actually I know for a fact I can’t function without you. You are the light of my life, you warm my heart, and oh god, y-you, I just love you so much it’s hard to put it into words. I’m sorry, but I-I just needed you to know.”

“…oh ‘Kaashi. You idiot. I love you too, how didn’t you see? I love you so so much Akaashi, I almost went crazy without me.”

“You really feel the same way?”

“Of course I do…hey Akaashi?”

“Yes Bokuto-san?”

“Can I call you Keiji? And will you call me Koutarou?”

“Of course Bokut-Koutarou.”

“…”

“…”

“Hey Koutarou?”

“Yes, Keiji?”

“Will you stay with me forever?”

“Of course Keiji, you're never getting rid of me now.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope anyone who reads this is grateful for a happy ending, because I was very tempted to just have pain the whole time. I'm too nice smh, not evil enough.


End file.
